I fell apart TWICE today. Like, full-on breakdowns. I was bawling in the car when I went to pick Lariza up, and then I cried on the way home. Both times were because I didn't have him around to pick up the pieces.
First, my dad started yelling/cussing at me today. I guess I shouldn't have rolled my eyes at him, but he doesn't know as much as he thinks he does. I really needed to talk to Jon, tell him how I was feeling, and tell me "I'm sorry, bug". But no! I don't get to talk to him!
Second, I was just feeling totally and completely worthless by the end of rehearsals tonight. I have a few sore spots emotionally, and every time it comes up it's like ripping the damn scab off and bleeding all over the place. That happened tonight, and resulted in me being very upset and crying a ton on the way home...I would have been better if I could have just called him and cried to him...he's my voice of reason and logic. He would have talked me through it, helped me see the logic, and helped me feel better about myself in the process. BUT NO! I don't get to talk to him! I just get to cry my eyes out and not feel any better! The only thing keeping me from bursting into tears right now is the fact that my mom will get all awkward about it and not be able to comfort me or make me feel better, and I'll end up just pushing her away.
GAH!!! IS IT OVER YET???
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