Does Jon have a mood OTHER than horny/kinky??? The LAST thing I wanted to hear tonight when I answered the phone was some shit about spanking. Tonight I wanted to hear "it's okay baby, it's gonna be alright. We're gonna make it. We're gonna figure this out. Everything is going to be okay, because I love you and I will make sure everything is okay." Instead, all I heard were kinky things he wanted to do to me. And all I could do was roll my eyes because I'm SO not in the mood. When my depression goes downhill, my libido follows suit.
Talking with Caleb tonight really brought out my depression. We were talking about how being depressed is the best thing for an artist, because that's where our best work comes from. He is feeling depressed but unartistic, so I spent some time talking him through that. He feels better, but I feel worse. I feel more depressed now. That may also be due to the news I received tonight...
You know what, fuck it. I'm just gonna go ahead and be depressed. I'm used to this state of mind, and it's productive. So let's take that and run with it. Let's run so far away that no one can find us, creativity. Let's go live in a sandcastle and paint pavilions. Let's fly to the moon and invent a new flavor of cake frosting. Yeah, let's do it. Who fucking cares. No one will miss us. It's not like we'll actually be gone.
(I swear I'm not on drugs, I'm just really fucking depressed and come up with crazy shit when my head isn't working quite right.)
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